Transforming Rage into Sacred Song: An Asian Woman's Story of Living with Oppression

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As a member of an oppressed group, it is natural to feel a deep surge of rage.

About fifteen years ago, I became aware of the oppression I experienced as I lived within the social system stamped with patriarchy and white dominance. I saw the part of me that was devalued and deprived by the system gasping desperately for air like a dying fish caught by a fisherman’s net.

The rage I felt was immense. For years, I had this recurring dream. In this dream, I was standing at a beach. A tsunami of grey sea water, several hundred feet high, was rushing toward me at the speed of a train. There was no escape.

“I am going to die.” That’s the only thought I had in my mind. My entire body was charged with high-voltage, white-hot electricity. I could feel every cell in my body screaming.

This tsunami was the rage, not just mine, but also collective rage. The collective component is strong, especially since the western world I live in knew very little about the colonization history in China and its psychological impact. (For how colonization and oppression impacted my personal life and family, please read my piece Earth Rise Up and Sings Through Me.) As I attuned to the trauma, I felt I was being swallowed by a black hole.

Fortunately, I have the awareness to honor this collective rage that I feel. I see it as a gift endowed by Mother Earth, an instinct to protect the cultural lineage inside of me. Our instinct is the result of billions of years of evolution. It is our direct connection to the primordial source. One way the colonial mindset works is to make us feel shame about our primal instinct. This shame disempowers us.

This white-hot, burning rage helped me break free from the “fisherman’s net”, and cut through the bondage that tied me to the social structure.

At the same time, I noticed a few times when I was expressing this rage in an uncontrollable way towards a specific person, I caused harm on a personal level. That did not make me feel good, even though my rage was quite justifiable  – the person I interacted with clearly demonstrated their blindness as a member of the oppressor group. However, my highest guiding purpose is to heal, harmonize and unite the divide.

For a long time, this put me in an excruciating dilemma. The rage I felt needed to be expressed. At the same time, I strived not to cause harm to people I interacted with, no matter how justifiable my actions were.

It’s not that I thought myself as a “bad” person if I caused harm to others. The desire not to cause harm is rooted in an awareness of the universal Law of Interconnectivity, the Law of Ubuntu, and the Tao. The harm my action causes to others inevitably comes back to myself, even when my action is a righteous response to injustice. This is not a “punishment” imparted by some higher judge. It is a natural law by which the universe keeps everything in balance. It is not even a morality but rather, a felt sense of the energetic web that connects us all.

This awareness is very much contrary to the dominant narrative. We are so used to using violence to deal with violence. We feel justified in blaming and shaming the perpetrator and seeing them as evil. Numbed by overstimulation of sensory input, we don’t see how whenever harm is done, no matter how subtle it is, it hurts both ways. Again, it is another mechanism to perpetuate the unjust system.

Do-no-harm is not self-denial. Instead, it is rooted in self-love. This awareness is what gives rise to the movements of non-violent resistance, the only way to end war and violence.

Eventually I arrived at a different phase of my life where the energy I harnessed from rage helped me break away from the oppressive social structure. I felt rooted enough in my native cultural heritage. Today my urge to express rage has become much more titrated. It can still arise but more like a wavelet than a tsunami. Instead, my main motivation is to seek collaboration and co-creation. I want to be able to “dance” with whoever comes across my way, no matter who they are.

It was through many trials and errors, I learned to channel my rage into creative expression as sacred songs, dances, rituals and most importantly my work in the world. I offer that creative expression as a beacon to call for unity and harmony. I learned to harness the rage, this precious gift coming from Mother Earth, as a power to amplify my voice in the system.

To be honest, this has been a very difficult journey, and I am still stumbling on it. At many times, I didn’t think I would make it. After all, the tsunami is much bigger than me. However, with prayers and my unwavering commitment, I was blessed with a grace that is also bigger than me.

To transform this rage into creativity required many skills and persistent cultivation. The most central of all, for me, is the consistent practice of Qi Gong and Tai Chi, a legacy I inherited from ancient Chinese culture. These practices attune my nervous system to be in harmony with my environment, no matter where I am. They connect me to the universal field of consciousness which allows me to rest and get nourishment in the womb of belonging even when I am alone by myself.

Eventually, rewards come my way. One of the pinnacle expressions of this transformation was a music video, Children of the Earth, which I co-created with two talented and good-hearted colleagues. This music video became an international effort where people from 14 countries participated.

Another expression of this transformation is my music included in the documentary movie, Dancing with the Dead, a movie about Red Pine, a translator who devoted his life to translating Chinese classic poetry and honoring the hermit culture. For both projects, people with privilege have generously offered support, resources and expertise, as we work together to serve the call of unity.

Many of us carry deep trauma due to some kind of oppression, along the lines of race, gender, faith or other social parameters. Our body stores the anger and rage resulting from injustice. If you feel called to open yourself to the immense power of rage, if you feel called to embark on a journey to transform that rage into creative expression, please check out our course, The Art of Embodied Sensitivity.

At the same time, you might also find yourself on the other side of the dynamic. What if you are on the side of the privileged, and you are facing the strong energy of rage targeted at you? Have you ever felt you are being blamed for an offence you did not commit yourself?

Read this sequel post where I will interview my colleague Dr. Stephanie Mines, on Facing Justifiable Anger with Spaciousness.